Relationships usually start easily, but turning one into a real match is hard. This is why very often what begins in beauty and great expectations ends up at a dead end.
Through the processes that lead there, one may lose their identity, another may try harder, be disappointed or distance themselves. In every relationship, there are two people who change roles and emotions. What I think is: what is your aim in a relationship – being true, or making an impression? If the latter, then it will take a lot of effort later to pull the curtain revealing the true image of yourself.
Is there really space for everyone’s truth or is the truth a cause of anxiety and fear? Most people have learnt to hide their truths, to hide things about themselves. Women may hide the fact that they are going for a massage or out with the girls; men may hide the fact that they are going out to meet other women. Why is that so? Neither the one nor the other like it. Wouldn’t it be better if each of them told the truth and nothing but the truth? Then there would be no second thoughts, no jealousy, no anger and antagonism. Both would be happy, because each would do first what they would like for themselves. When we are happy with ourselves, then our partners will be happy too (if they really care for us). A relationship is as real as the love which supports it.
Each partner’s self, would be like a house built on solid foundations. Both of them would show their true nature, just as they are. Our nature is truth, mutual respect and trust. If these do not exist, then surpassing every difficulty will be arduous, impersonal and hard.
How much truth can you handle? How much truth can you tell?
It takes a lot of effort to make a relationship true. Why?
Because you need to be truthful and authentic – both of which are very difficult. Who dares to reveal their true self without fearing rejection or criticism? Who can be perfectly sincere with their partner and still feel well with them? If there is one, I’d like to meet them.
Most people are afraid of exposing themselves in front of others. How can they do it in front of their partners? How?
How can they show their cards and say “Yes, this is me. I am my truth. See me as I am and, if you like me, let us share experiences together, otherwise I’ll move on alone.” Who can do this and how easy is it?
Usually couples experience antagonism, jealousy, the need to prove themselves better than their partner, while ignoring the value of understanding, accepting, sharing.
What does really prevent them from being sincere with each other? Perhaps it is the fear of exposing their true selves. This either reveals existential problems or a lack of self knowledge and communication with our partner.
I will let you in on a great truth. There is no one out there who is just like you, and neither one who is remotely close to what you may desire. Therefore, you have to try to fit with someone who makes you feel well. And he or she makes you feel well, because together you find a crossroads of communication. If you find that, keep it. All the rest are dreams and fantasies. There are no ideal conditions, no perfect fits; you may only find something that is as close as possible to what you desire. But, in order for this to happen, you must at least be yourself, the person you know you are, so that you may understand whether the other person approaches what you want. Isn’t it simple? Is it disappointing? Let me answer this for you – very.
Please realise that each of us is able to do things for themselves alone, in order to find a code and a framework of communication.
When you try to solve the riddle what do you find? That the partner of your dreams has found a way to undo everything that you’ve worked for? What do you do then? Do you swear? Do you shout? If you do, you lose the argument and yourself. Why is that? Because you cannot realise that your partner does what he/she wants while you tag along or observe. Where is yourself in that? What does yourself tell you and what do you do about it? Why aren’t you reacting right? This is a good question. Do you keep on hoping and saying “Why is this happening? Perhaps I should do this differently.” If you do, you end up giving your partner another chance again and again.
Let me answer this question of you. This happens because you haven’t strengthened yourself, you have not worked with yourself, you haven’t searched deep enough. Because you always help others. When are you going to help yourself? When are you going to do things for you? Do you really expect someone to come and do things for you? This will never happen.
You must start with yourself and make a difference. Then everyone will take your side, because you will have changed the entire setting. You will look different and no one and nothing will be able to take that look from you. You will go on with your head held high, because you will be you. You will feel all the things you have not felt for years. Because the change will have taken place and you will be able to say the things you didn’t dare say before. Because you will be yourself. You will be real, nothing else. Honestly, how hard was it?
I know it is hard. But it’s not impossible. Congratulations for daring to tell your truth, even at the very end. Congratulations and bravo. Keep on like this and in the end you will make your dreams come true.
This is devoted to all the people who took their lives in their hands and managed to find their true voice. I admire you all. With love.
“If you love someone, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.” (Kahlil Gibran)